The unofficial celebrity biography of Mary-Kate Olsen, brought to spoiled rotten life by Elaine Carroll. Featuring Bodyguard, Fat Professor, and obscene wealth.
Seasons
19 Episodes • Premiered 2010
1. Moving Out
I get a new place. Ash looks totes fugly - ugh - I mean tired in this one. Wardrobe provided by Donna Karen.
2. Moving Day
My bodyguard is responsible for everything related to my body, including moving the stuff I surround my body with.
3. Bodyguard
Got legit sick filming this. Didn’t sleep for 48 hrs. Not cuz of drugs, you haters, b/c I’m an effing method actor.
4. Baby
I consider getting a baby. At least I think that’s what happens. It’s been a while since I read the script.
5. Baby Daddy
Bodyguard flat out refuses to be my daddy baby, so I flat out threaten to steal his sperm.
6. Depressed
I’m tired of waiting around for that special someone to have a baby for me.
7. Hangover
I learn never to drive drunk. Especially when driving a blimp.
8. Fight
I know to get emotional when the piano music kicks in.
9. Philip Seymour Hoffman
I get acting lessons from the Academy Award-winning creep-o.
10. Cat
I decide to get a cat rather than have a baby because it’s more expensive.
11. Back to School
I’m going back to college to get my The Bachelor degree.
12. Extension
Can I have an extension on that paper I have to write? I have to learn how to write.
13. Paper
I ended up getting an “F” for “F”-ort.
14. Crush
It’s just a little crush and I throw up a little every time they touch.
15. Ashleyguard
But Ashley doesn’t have nipple hair!
16. Nightmare
Quiet, Evil Dragon, I’m trying to write a description!
17. Zac Efron
A date with Zac Efron? Zac Ef yes!
18. Philip Seymour Hoffman 2
Is this about all those blimps I crashed? Because I keep telling you guys, I don’t care.
19. Gun
Do you feel lucky, Bodyguard? Are you a Luckyguard?
